By Brianna Spataro, BA and Meredith Bortz
One’s adult life can be affected by the unresolved wounds of our childhood. Reparenting allows us to address these wounds and heal our inner child for a better future. Whether you want to overcome past traumas, improve current relationships, or learn to understand yourself more, reconnecting with your inner child will lead you on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Anyone can begin this process for themselves. Take your time, be committed, and be patient. Show up for yourself everyday and become the parent you always needed to allow yourself to heal and forgive.
“Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child” – The Holistic Psychologist
Reparenting encompasses therapeutic approaches that cater to the many needs that stem from childhood. Each method offers a path to healing that acknowledges the inner child.
Total Regression → Jaqui Lee Schiff
- Under therapist care, Total Regression aims to reconstruct the client’s parent ego state by immersing patients in a prolonged reliving of their childhood.
Spot Reparenting → Russell Osnes
- Spot Reparenting addresses emotional wounds with focused interventions by targeting specific traumatic incidents as opposed to generalized childhood disturbances.
Self-Reparenting → Muriel James
- Clients are empowered to validate and nurture their existing positive ego states without replacing anything, which emphasizes self-agency in the therapeutic process.
Reparenting is a spectrum and each of these approaches addresses the way an individual can meet their distinct emotional landscapes, based on the 4 Pillars of Reparenting.
Discipline:
- Set healthy boundaries and routines
- Develop self-control and manage impulses
- Create a stable and nurturing environment
Joy:
- Engage in activities that bring you happiness
- Practice mindfulness and gratitude
- Celebrate achievements and foster a positive outlook
Emotional Regulation:
- Identify and manage emotions
- Practice self-soothing techniques
- Express emotions constructively
Self-Care:
- Prioritize physical, emotional and mental well-being
- Practice self-compassion and kindness
- Invest in personal development
Emotionally Healing Your Inner Child
The unmet needs from your childhood can influence your adult life. Here are some ways you can begin to heal your inner child on your own:
→ Journaling to your inner child can create a space to validate and express yourself, which can lead to addressing and soothing the wounds of your past.
→ Visualize yourself providing the comfort and support that your younger self needed. Provide them with safety and understanding.
→ Reconnect with your inner child’s lost joy by playing with activities you used to enjoy to find your creative spark.
It’s important to recognize that you are allowed to reap the benefits of reparenting. Many of us struggle to prioritize our own needs. If you allow yourself to put the needs of others before your own, or if you are judgemental and critical of yourself, these are signs that you have trouble setting boundaries and are holding yourself to unrealistic expectations. Reparenting can be a good option for breaking these cycles. Catching yourself engaging in behaviors that you learned from your parents that are detrimental to your mental health is another reason to consider reparenting. It can be difficult to regulate your feelings and can lead you to feeling overwhelmed if you don’t begin to connect with your inner child. This is an especially important concept to practice if you’ve dealt with absent or abusive parents who weren’t responsive to your needs.
Everyone had a different upbringing, but we could all benefit from being kind to our inner child. Keep showing them care. They would be proud of where you are now. If you or a loved one is interested in addressing inner child trauma, contact our office.
More resources!
